Brilliant Shimmer

Sep 03
2008

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How can I translate this poem into a sonnet?

I need to make a sonnet and I think I made a good poem but it doesn't rhyme. I need a Shakespearian rhyme scheme: ABAB CDCD EFEF GG

Here's the poem:
Will thou really become my one true love?
Your eyes blue as the very sea upon us;
Vibrant hair bright as the very sun;
Brilliant cheeks of shimmering red roses.
A voice as delightful as the heavens themselves;
Smells of winter pine when with her beloved;
The sight I view when I gaze upon her
Makes a goddess envy her great beauty.
But with her, I feel no love from her own soul,
Only kind gestures, not of true love I receive.
Pity, I believe, is what I receive
But she admits that, what we have is true love.
My love is shrouded by dark shadows;
Is it love or pity I receive from my “love”?

I changed it around and added ideas to get the rhymes you asked for.

If you were surely mine, why then
I would say how your eyes made stare
Whole scores of jaded, gazing men
Who marveled at your cheeks and hair.
In winter when the pines smell smart,
Your cheeks, bright roses, cheer the green;
I feel in deepest, deepest heart
Such adoration as was never seen.
All this unshadowed pilgrimage
I offer. Why do I feel this worry, doubt?
Behind the closeness some dark scrimmage
Starts to act its worries out.
I grant your charm, I know you're pretty,
But I want true love, not true pity.